We need to rekindle our bromance
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
