sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
