How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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