left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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