The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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