summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
