college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
