My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
