i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
