If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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