It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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