Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize