oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
