Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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