you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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