Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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