Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
