so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There's always time for handjobs
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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