I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He did a backflip because drugs
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