listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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