I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
