Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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