people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Tornado booty call.. dedication
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
