how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
