I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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