i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize