The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
