Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
