I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize