dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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