so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
where are you?
Hypothermia
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
