then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
