dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I FOUND THE LEGS
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
