he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
