yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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