so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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