my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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