it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
