I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
pop tarts are not kleenex
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize