Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
