I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
