respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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