I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
