Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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