Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
