Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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