EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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