Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
