I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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