i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
