Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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