my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
