exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
