You really coming over, don't trick.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
