And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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