Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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