New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just high enough for therapy.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize