Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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