He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
we should paint friendship bongs
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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