If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize