I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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