I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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