therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Randomize
