I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Four minutes until I can fart!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
