my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
