its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
