Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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