He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
