I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize