U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
