Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
are you so shy because you have an std?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize