her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
