its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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