they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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