It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
