I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm just crazy horny about you
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize