I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
