I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
