Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
