Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
