if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
