Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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