Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
