Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
that is very illegal...i love you.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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