I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
