WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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