i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
