His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
