final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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