end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
