can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
