Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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