Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize