he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
