In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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