Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My ass is underappreciated
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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