do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
