I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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