I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
